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Characters That Need To Be Shot
Welcome, one and all! I suppose first you'd like an explanation of why this webpage was made. Well, I'll give it to you then. One day, me and my good friend Xach were talking on IRC, and we both ended up agreeing that Hugo Gilchrist in Tales of Destiny sucked, and that we should make a webpage about how much he sucked. Then, he asked me to add Terry Bogard to the list, because he's a really cheap fighter in King of Fighters. Then another friend, Cinnie, mentioned that Akio from Shoujo Kakumei Utena also sucks, so I added him, and it grew from there. Now that I have a sizeable list of characters that need a good boot to the head, I'm making this webpage. I'll list these characters in the order that we came up with them, so they'll be a little disorganized.
WARNING! Though I have tried to keep them to a minimum, this page still has several large spoilers for those of you who are truly interested in enjoying the plots of several Squaresoft games when you play them, and not reading about them beforehand. I don't care about spoilers enough to completely remove them, so read the following at your own risk.
1. HUGO GILCHRIST: Without his manipulative bastard ways, this webpage would have never been possible. One of the main villains in Tales of Destiny(PSX), he was the most influential element in Leon Magnus's development as a character into a complete and utter asshole. We'll discuss Leon shortly. Suffice to say, Hugo is a bastard and I was glad when he died.
2. TERRY BOGARD: Ahh, wonderful Terry. How many endless hours and arcade tokens have we all spent trying to beat this guy in King of Fighters? They SAY Kyo is supposed to be the Champion, but I don't see why Terry hasn't kicked his ass yet. Terry is far, far harder to beat than Kyo is, because of his cheapass techniques that do way too much damage. He should retire and give the rest of us a break already. Why does he even bother fighting in this tournament in the first place, with the complete and utter lack of an actual challenge to him? (although the same could be said of Kyo, the champion for.. what, 6 years now?)
3. AKIO: Even though his car kicks ass, this guy is still a complete and utter jerk. Give me my Dios! Grant me the power to kick this guy in the nuts!
4. DR. KLAMP: How much more assholeish can you get? --; This guy, a villain in Parasite Eve, has a major superiority complex, annoying the hell out of all other characters and players alike. Aya comes to him for answers, and all she ever gets are a bunch of stupid questions. He was in charge of the expiraments which took the mitochondria from somebody's liver and did weird stuff and made Melissa and Aya into what they are today. To think that the spontaneous combustion of two entire concert audiences can be traced back to a recluse doctor who never leaves his little laboratory in the NY Natural History Museum.. God, what was he THINKING? For a genius, he sure is an idiot.
5. EUGENE: Okay, so I haven't played all the way through Evolution yet. Okay, so I don't even know the guy's last name. But... he's a Pedophile! That whole Evolutia thing is an excuse. The bastard is after Linear, the cutest lil girl I've seen in any RPG, and he's a full-grown adult! Plus, he's too damned cheap in battle. Fighting him three-on-one was bad enough.. but when it was my three guys vs. his Mech, it was so sick and unfair, it wasn't even funny. Not only did he attack twice for every turn each one of my guys got, but when I tried to level up to match the challenge, he leveled up right along with me. When Mag and company finally kicked his and his mech's ass, I cheered.
6. PURPLE TENTACLE: Ever play that old LucasArts NES game, Maniac Mansion? Ever play the ever-lovable PC sequel, Day of the Tentacle? If you haven't, you'll have no idea who I'm talking about, and probably assume it's some sort of H anime reference. Purple Tentacle was one of two tentacle servants to Dr. Fred. While Green Tentacle was an all-around slightly depressed, but nice guy, Purple Tentacle always sucked up to Dr. Fred by going after intruders like.. oh.. say.. my GROUP.. and catching them before I could get them to run away.
7. COMMANDER BLUE: Gay. Totally gay. Liberache gay. There really isn't a lot more I can say to insult this funny excuse for a Dragon Ball villain.
8. LORD ZEDD: This old Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers villain had the utter nerve to get rid of Rita Repulsa. While some people might not mind that so much, those same people quickly got annoyed with Zedd's dull antics, which proved to be even more repetitive than Rita's.
9. BABEL TOWER: .....okay, so it's not a character. It's a dungeon in Xenogears. Anyone who's played through this long, arduous dungeon and gone through the ridiculously long, painstaking ordeal of jumping platform after platform after platform and falling and having to start all over again, will tell you that it deserves to be put up here anyway. Its annoyingness as a dungeon is second only to the final dungeon of the game.
10. GARDEN MASTER NORG: I fought this guy once, while playing through FF8. I was slightly annoyed at the long dialogue with repeated use of all caps, but when we finally got to the fighting part, I beat his ass, and continued onward with the game. Then, later on, my savegame was deleted and I had to start again. This time, I waited impatiently through the long dialogue, and when I beat him, kept going.. until someone asked me if I had remembered to draw Leviathan. Shit. So, I reset and did it again. By this time, I was sick of hearing him, but I drew Leviathan in the fight, and then.. my cat stepped on the Reset button. By this point, I was so sick of hearing him rant that I was literally yelling at the TV to shut up and fight. ^^; This guy needs lessons in diction, voice control, and typing, to make him stop saying stuff in all caps. Fujin can get away with it cuz she's cool, but NORG is a DORK.
11. SHINJI IKARI: God, what a whiny loser. He gets to pilot his very own EVA unit, but he doesn't wanna fight cuz his daddy don't wuv him. Poor widdle baby.
12. OMEGA WEAPON: I think I can count the battle against Omega WEAPON as the most ludicrously unfair, horrifyingly difficult battle in all of RPG history. It's really sad when you have to have at least 10 Holy Wars you get from refining one stupid card, in order to win this one battle. I say that any battle you can't win with intelligence and strategy isn't worth fighting. Thus, I merely laughed while my friends were all slaughtered by Omega WEAPON; I didn't even bother with fighting it.
13. NEMESIS: Play Resident Evil 3 and all will be made clear.
14. KAHRAN RAMSUS: This had to be the single only character that I truly got annoyed with, and wished would just crawl into a corner and die, in Xenogears. He just doesn't know when to quit. --; He needs to get it into his head that the only people who give a rat's ass about how "useful" he is are his own Element flunkies, and not to go into detail about it and make us, the players, have to sit through his incessant whining.
15. FEI WONG: Don't think I'm going to make an exception for Fei either, fangirls. I've never seen a mecha pilot with as big of a Shinji complex as this guy, except for Shinji. When he's not being tormented by ghosts of the past, or by Grahf, or by Miang, or by Krelian, you'll usually find him wallowing in his own self-pity. When he's not whining about how he doesn't want to fight, or how everything is his fault and he has to take responsibility, he suddenly changes his mind and decides to fight. At which point, another crucial plot point always happens to make him not want to fight again. The game would've been so much cooler if the main character had been Bart or Billy or Citan, or even Maria.
16. FAT BASTARD: For anyone who's seen Austin Powers 2, this character is a must-add. He's the most sickeningly fat person I've ever seen in my life, and I nearly wanted to retch while watching the scene with him and Felicity. Eating won't solve your problems, buddy!
17. KAWORU NAGISA: The first words that come to mind whenever someone mentions Kaworu are Gay, and More Gay. Don't get me wrong. I don't have any sort of prejudice against gays, I know a few and they're pretty cool guys. But.. Kaworu frightens me. Anyone that gets Ode to Joy as their background music has got to be creepy.
18. ZIRCONIA: This irritating old lady was one of the main villains of Sailor Moon Super S. The Amazon Trio was awesome, dammit, and she arranged their deaths in order to hide her own responsibility and keep herself from looking more incompetent than she already did. Then, she constantly tried to ruin the Amazoness Quartet's fun. Queen Nehelenia needs far more competent, less irritating flunkies.
19. SUBOSHI: This guy is beyond bad. He murdered an entire family consisting of a father and a lot of helpless children, in cold blood, for revenge upon the single surviving member. It was a horrible act of bloody violence that nearly made me cry when I read the FY manga for the first time.
20. TAIKI KOU: One of the Sailor Starlights, he's the biggest dork out of all three. Seiya has a professional attitude going for him, and Yaten has that beautiful, feminine face. What does Taiki have? Some notes, and an abnormally large forehead.
21. SQUALL LIONHEART: I liked Squall when I first played FF8. He was a cool, introverted asshole, the type of character that Hikaru Midorikawa's voice would suit perfectly. Then, I got to Disc 3. Where did my beloved asshole go? Who is this wishy-washy Squall impersonator?! Quit whining about Rinoa already, and go kick some ass! ..is what I would yell at him, during any number of his long Rinoa soliloquoys.
22. HOJO: The guy that made Sephiroth. Normally, I wouldn't care, but first, he shot Vincent.. second, he tried to cross-breed Aerith and Red XIII! What the hell is this guy smoking, and where can I find some? Sicko.
23. RINOA HEARTILY: I have nothing personally for or against Rinoa, other than the fact that she was a dull, love interest-type female main character. I liked Rosa better, cuz she at least had the whole bikini outfit thing going for her. My main problem with Rinoa is the tricks she teaches her dog. What the hell kind of humanitarian dog-lover would shoot their own beloved pet from their little wrist gun thing? It's disturbing.
24. ANGELO: Because I always ignored Rinoa's Angel Wing limit on principal, I spent a lot of time combining with Angelo for limits. Normally, I wouldn't care, but he has the wonderful, lovable, Invincible Moon attack.. which he never, EVER, EVER uses. How many times have I died because Rinoa's HP was low enough to get limits, but never the one I wanted? Why can't *I* dictate this stupid dog's tricks, instead of them being random?!
25. DELITA HYRAL: When I first played Final Fantasy Tactics, I thought this guy was really cool. First taken in by a royal family, then abandoning it after it leads to his sister Teta's death, I thought he had a really good reason for hating the nobility, and great motivations for what he did. When I saw him pledge himself to Ovelia, I thought it was really sweet, and might have had some background with Alma. But, later, none of that mattered, because the bastard killed Ovelia outright, running her through with his sword, on her BIRTHDAY, no less. He deserves lots of pain and torment.
26. ALGUS: This young nobleman had different ideas of what consitutes right and wrong than others. In his eyes, commoners were nothing but rabble that had to be managed by the more suitable nobility. He might have fit in very well in Solarian society. But, because of these views, he saw it fit to just shoot an arrow into Teta's chest when a rebel group was holding her hostage. If not for this guy, Delita wouldn't be on this list right now.
27. ZOPHAR: Zophar is, by far, the most androgynous villain I've ever seen in any video game. I have nothing against the character, mind you. He was a decent villain-type, with an intelligent plan of action that was executed perfectly. My only problem with Zophar is actually fighting him. The fight with Zophar is one of the most painstakingly long and dangerous ordeals in any RPG. Zophar goes right up there with Omega WEAPON in terms of cheapness of AI.
28. BORGAN: One word. Fatass! This guy has such a big fat ass, than when he walks down the street, people go, "God DAMN that's a big fat ass!" Not only is he the most butt-ugly character I've ever seen, but he wants to destroy the traditional Magic Guild of Vane and replace it with his half-baked "Neo-Vane," and he's also another one of those bosses that's nearly impossible to kill, no matter how hard you try. Without the Gravity Bomb spell, it might be a fair fight, but.. As one YKYPTMLW page pointed out, "You know you play too much LUNAR when you promise to feed your dog after beating Borgan, then, a month later, realize it's starved to death.
29. XELLOSS: I like the guy, personally. Xelloss is one of the coolest NPCs ever made for any fantasy series.. and he has taste in ice cream! But, if you've seen him in Slayers TRY, you'll probably end up hating his guts too. He's a complete and utter asshole with no regard for others, whereas, before, in NEXT, he was a polite, nice guy with no regard for others. Putting all that "revealing his true colors" bullshit aside, Xelloss's character was completely slaughtered in TRY, and the fake imposter Xelloss that teleports around bullying ancient dragons needs to die.
30. VALGARV: Speaking of bullying ancient dragons, what do we have here? A classic case of "Obsession," maybe? I get so tired of listening to Slayers fangirls go on and on about how cool he is and what a tragic figure he is. I groaned whenever he showed up in TRY, because it usually meant that all other plot going on would cease and desist, to make room for his stupid sob story. What the hell kind of demon OR dragon is supposed to be able to take a Dragu Slave, point blank, and LIVE? I'm glad he ended up being taken care of by Filia. He deserves it. I hope she feeds him cold, hard mace for the rest of his days whenever he misbehaves.
31. HELLMASTER PHIBRIZO: Even though he makes a great villain, I've always been annoyed by this androgynous little freak of nature. Based on the actions that he performs in NEXT, I'm sure all of you who've seen that far will agree with me wholeheartedly. He definitely belongs up on this list.
32. CHIBI USA: ...too.. much... pink... can't... stand... I don't mind her character all that much, really, she's gotten a lot more tolerable in Super S, and Stars, for the few episodes she's in it. What irks me about her is the fact that she steals the spotlight from Usagi, who would be the central focal point of the story, if not for her. Chibi Usa has a whole future waiting for her to live in it, but for some reason, Neo Queen Serenity seems to find it amusing to inflict lots of pain and suffering on her past self by making Chibi Usa stay in the present. Not to mention how disturbing her love life is. Her chief love interests are her father, and a horse.
33. COPY REZO: This guy is a Dork with a capital D! Just to prove that he was better than the original Red Priest, who dumped his girlfriend-wannabe for a rock and turned into Ruby Eye Maou Shabranigdo, he decides to make life even more of a living hell for the Slayers gang than the original Rezo did. He killed Shilfiell's father, along with the better half of Sairaag, and then had the utter gall to kill.. wait, I'll shut up now. Anyway, he's a jerk that gives incoherent reasons for his actions and was just BEGGING to have his ass handed to him by Lina-tachi.
34. ALEX: This isn't an actual anime or video game character, to be honest. It's a guy I know online, but me and Xach agreed that he deserved a spot up here. His ability to completely trash anything someone else likes, or have his various characters with no relations at all help each other out on a regular basis, is legendary.
35. GANONDORF: When will this guy DIE? Us Zelda players have been kicking his ass for two games out of four, and I think it might be cool to see a new villain for a change, maybe one that has.. you know.. a plot.
36. DORNKIRK: Does this guy use curlers for his beard? Why can't he just mind his own business and let the people of Gaea run their own lives? He complains about constant fighting and war, but the only war I've seen on Gaea so far is the one that he caused by invading all of his neighboring countries with invisible Guymelefs. He needs to get a life outside of running others'.
37. DILANDAU ALBATOU: This guy's like Ramsus, only not nearly as cool. White hair, decent swordsman, always annoying the HELL out of Van and his friends, and always getting the ever-loving snot beaten out of him by Van. Enough already.
38. MITSURUGI HANAGATA: ...okay, I was wrong to add him, and I apologize. Several of my online friends protested vehemently, and despite my swearing never to remove anyone from this list, I decided to make one exception.
39. SEPHIROTH: Putting aside all minor details about the Cool, Bishounen Supervillain(tm), this guy killed my single most useful party member. If it wasn't for him, Aerith would be alive and well today, and performing her Great Gospel/Fury Brand limit breaks on a regular basis. Her death was tragic, yes, but it didn't help Sephiroth at all. It was an ultimately pointless kill, in the end, because Holy came anyway. Yet another reason why he needs to DIE.
40. LEON MAGNUS: Midorikawa's voice is suited to this guy perfectly. He's a total asshole that kicked my Tales of Destiny party's ass as a villain, but barely contributed a thing when he was an actual party member. Then, he nearly kicked my party's ass again.. and again.. and again.. By the end, I was actually feeling pretty sorry for the guy, but for most of the game, I hated his guts, and because of that stupid shocking headband thing, he gets a spot on this list.
41. QUEEN ZEAL: This woman was a complete and utter bitch in Chrono Trigger. She forced Schala to use her power to revive Lavos, against her will, and then used Lavos to try and destroy both Schala and Janus. She's the reason that Magus is as much of an asshole as he is.
42. CHU CHU: This is an irritating little puffball in Xenogears that continually annoys players by adding 'chu' to common conversation whenever possible. It also grows to a mech-size, for some reason. Was it really necessary to have this creature in the game?! Forget the stupid fuel or EMP problems. The Gear pilots could take care of problems on their own, without some stupid pink fluffball who can heal 2000 HP per round with no special Booster option.
43. CHU CHU: This is an irritating little mouse/monkey/thing in Shoujo Kakumei Utena. Because of this little mouse, Anthy is a recluse, and spends time with no one but Chu Chu. It's all Chu Chu's fault, I SWEAR. It eats all her food right off the dinner plate, thus explaining how ungodly skinny she is. I feel sorry for her and Utena, having to deal with this irritating pest constantly. I support Saionji in his efforts to squish it wholeheartedly.
44. MAMORU CHIBA: Wow, what a handsome guy he is. Wow, how brave and daring he is. Wow, how FRICKIN' BORING. This guy needs a personality, almost as badly as Shinji needs a spine.
45. GOLBEZ: Recently, somebody requested that I add Kain to this list, because of his constant flux between good and evil. I decided to add the source of that flux instead, this guy. It amazes me, how he can kill (spoiler), kidnap (spoiler), and brainwash Kain TWICE(bah, spoiler, who cares :P), and then get away with the lame excuse of "It wasn't me! I was under control the whole time, really! Hey, look at that! It's the Moon! I bet you could find Zemus up there! Seeya!"
46. ULTIMECIA: Wow, a villain so powerful, so dangerous, that Squaresoft had to devote an entire CD of Final Fantasy VIII entirely to her dungeon. Nope, they've never done that before. Now, where shall I start? Let's start off with the plot elements she created. She screwed over an entire family, as well as an orphanage. Then, she proceeded to attempt "Time Kompression," complete with stupid pseudo-Russian-accented, Mortal Kombat style dialogue. What Time Kompression was supposed to accomplish, I still haven't been able to discern, after going through that entire game twice. The game would have had a clear, coherent storyline, if not for her. Plus.. she's evil. Listen to that organ music in her castle. It's her way of inflicting psychological torture on your characters, while they're forced to fight nearly every single optional boss in there to get their stupid abilities back.
47. EVERYONE IN THE UTENA CAST, EXCEPT UTENA, ANTHY, DIOS, AND MIKI: This should be self-explanatory. I didn't feel like typing out detailed explanations for every single psychotic character in this series, because it would take me hours to do one for each character, so I lumped them all into this one group. The Number One Psycho is Nanami, naturally, for her obsession with her brother that rivals Chibi Usa's obsession with her father. Touga is next, just for being a dork. Saionji.. while he earned my respect for trying to squish Chu Chu, still needs to get over the Anthy obsession and get on with his life.
48. THAT OLD GUY IN BAKURETSU HUNTER: I don't remember his name, but he's Potei's grandfather/butler/whatever. x.x I bought a manga at the comic store, not knowing what the title said, or anything about the series itself. Flipping through the pages, the first one I stop at is a picture of this old guy posing in.. a sailor fuku. I almost demanded my money back because of that.. but then, looking through more of it, I came to the startling realization that the artwork made CLAMP's look like crap in comparison.
49. ELMDOR: This is one of the more difficult bosses to face in Final Fantasy Tactics. He comes in equipped with the Masamune, as well as a full set of extremely rare and expensive Genji equipment. My Ramza, as a Thief with Concentration as one of his secondary abilities, could only get as high as a 7% chance of getting anything from this guy, from behind, no less. It's like they just put him there to taunt the players who bother looking at enemies' equipment lists to see what they can steal or break. Not to mention the entire Vampire thing, and his two stupid cheapass Assassins.
50. THE FINAL FANTSY VIII BATTLE SYSTEM: This isn't a character either, but it's one of the biggest jokes meant to be taken seriously in RPG history. Generally, the purpose behind building experience levels is to make your characters STRONGER than the monsters, not the other way around. Also, generally, you would expect to have characters that are intelligent enough to at least use the Item command without need of a GF to help them. I guess that whole GF Amnesia thing makes them mentally retarded, to the point where if they're not junctioned, and they try to use a potion, then just go, "Duh huh huh huh..." Also, normally, you would expect someone at level 10 to get a larger amount of experience from killing a level 80 creature than someone at level 90 would. But, for some reason, they get the same amount of experience, and the same amount required for a level up. I guess they assume that the level 90 person would be doing all the work anyway. I'd go on to describe my feelings towards Junctioning and GFs in general, but this entry is taking up too much space as it is.
51. MIKO-CHAN: This also isn't a character. Miko is a good friend that I've known online for nearly three years. Despite the name, which is a long story in and of itself, he is a guy. He used to be one of the best roleplayers in the channel I'm in, until he lost all interest in roleplaying and did nothing but play Starcraft instead, day in and day out, for months and months. Recently, he started roleplaying again, only to lose interest once more when many more channel members got interested in the game and wanted to play with him. Despite this, I wouldn't have added him, cuz he's cool, except for the fact that he wanted to be listed up here with Terry and Squall and Fei, so I did it as a favor to him.
52. HURRICANE_HUGO: Man, I should really add more real characters, huh? This is also a person I met on DALnet. He was in #Slayers, and for no reason, called one of my best friends a whore, so she kicked him. He came back, so I kickbanned him. Then, he starts messaging me and cursing me out, but it was really fun messing with his head. Here, have a look at the log for yourself! It's a great read. Click here to get it!
One night, right before I closed ICQ to go to bed, I got a message from Ucchan, the founder of #Slayers, asking me to come into the channel. I told her no, I had a test the next day, but then she mentioned the Return of Hurricane_Hugo, so I had no choice but to come in and laugh at him. Here, have a look for yourself. Sometimes, I wonder why this guy even bothers.
53. FOOT SOLDIERS: These annoying flunkies were recurring distractions used by nearly every villain in the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle series. They never went away, no matter how many of them the Ninja Turtles beat up.
54. EVERY SINGLE POKEMON IN EXISTENCE: This should be self-explanatory. They repeat their names, evolve, use super powers to beat each other up and eat each other, and spend the rest of their time cooped up in little red and white balls. They're boring, repetitive, and proven to lower intelligence, as shown by my little brother, who gave up a promising hobby of RPGs after collecting Pokemon cards, to settle for.. Everquest.
55. THE ENGLISH SAILOR MOON DUB: What would a list like this be without a crack at the horrible dubbing job done on both the show, and the music, of Sailor Moon? I'm constantly amazed at the overwhelming talent of the editors that can cut two episodes into little bitty pieces, then tape them together to form one "better" episode, with an ending that American kiddies won't cry at.
56. THE SCROLLING TEXT IN XENOGEARS: Yes, yes, I know, you want to see more actual anime/video game characters. I'm running out of inspiration for characters to add, so, in the meantime, you get to see this stuff instead! The long dialogue in Xenogears wouldn't have been nearly so bad, if there had been some sort of configuration option to speed up the text scrolling, or skip dialogue boxes entirely. As it was, many a gamer would spend long, endless hours watching his characters interact and talk sooo slowly, and by the time the secong disc came around, they were forced to sit through more hours of endless slow text scrolling, because they'd come that far already, and they didn't want to stop there.
57. IRIS CHATEAUBRIAND: Oh, where to begin... First off, she's a 9 year old girl. While this wouldn't be bad, she just happens to be one of the main girls in a dating sim where you play a 21 year old man. It's not right, I tell you! Not to mention the fact that she makes Chibi Usa look pleasant and nice in comparison; Never have I seen such a whiny, loud, annoying, self-pitying brat. I have nothing against Sakura Wars though, seeing as I own every version of every game, CD, and radio drama in the series, including the legendary Sakura Wars 3 for Dreamcast.
58. LYNX: For a while, he was the main villain of Chrono Cross. To give you a general idea of how much I personally despise him, I'll tell you a story. Xach wanted to play him as a character in an RPG channel I was playing in. He was an op, and I was a player with no power or say. However, when I told him that if he picked Lynx up, I would have all my characters (powerhouses like Lina Inverse and Subaru Sumeragi) gang up and destroy him, no matter how OOC or against the rules it was, he took me very seriously and never got up the guts to do it. To this day, I hold him to that.
59. KIDD: Lousy, LOUSY, LOUSY excuse for a heroine. She is no replacement for Marle as a female sidekick, and absolutely not a replacement for Schala, no matter what the game says.
60. CHRONO CROSS: Lousy, LOUSY, LOUSY excuse for a sequel. Especially to Chrono Trigger. I hope Square rots in hell for all of eternity for making this game. It exists as a living testament to the fact that Square can and will pull any half-baked story and battle system out of their collective ass and sell it as New and Original to make some fast bucks. (Plus, where are Yuji Horii and Akira Toriyama?! Too busy making DQ7, a DAMN GOOD GAME, I suppose..)
61. THE ASSHOLES WHO WRITE COLUMNS ABOUT HOW MUCH DRAGON QUEST SUCKS: You know who you are. The pro-FF8, pro-PE2 RPG fanboyz who rant on and on about how the DQ series, and DQ7 in particular, have a stale gameplay system with little to no originality, and nothing even remotely interesting or eye-catching. Since this is my personal rant page, I have a few words to say to you guys:
*ahem*
You're all full of shit.
Thank you.
62. PARASITE EVE 2: I'm slipping into the habit of just adding games and not characters from them, now that Square's started releasing masterpiece after masterpiece of crap. I have many, many issues with this game. First, they divided Aya's mitochondria powers into freaking ELEMENTS. They're MITOCHONDRIA for Christ's sake! Second, they got rid of the Active Time-based battle system, replacing it with a bad knockoff version of Capcom's Resident Evil movement and fighting system. Third, the last and most important problem: They completely eliminated Aya's greatest power, the Liberate ability, which made later boss battles in PE1 truly wondrous to behold. Oh, and the blatant shameless Coke plugs everywhere throughout the game don't do a lot for Square's integrity as a game maker, either.
63. BAO: I don't know if he has a last name, but it doesn't matter. This character, new to King of Fighters 99, makes the extra fourth member of my favorite team, the Psycho Soldiers. However, with Bao there, I feel ill even choosing the team now. This irritating little Chinese kid does creepy things in battle, like drawing in the dirt and walking like a moron, and his Player 2 color is Pastel Pink. His victory quote: "Oh yes! I am victorious! And happy as an oyster!" (Ahh, SNK...)
64. K': Another KOF99 original, K' acts as the "New Hero" of the game. Dark skin and white hair was cool when Yashiro and Orochi had it, but with K', it's starting to get pretty overused. He also sucks as a hero, especially when compared to the REAL main characters, Kyo and Iori, who have a long and interesting history, developed throughout the series. K' tries so hard to act like a "badass anti-hero" type, but somehow, just never seems to make the cut. He also gives a new definition to the phrase "cheap," with such nasty tricks as instantaneous teleportation with none of Athena's delays. This is why I found it very amusing when, in a KOF2000 manga, Kyo and Iori teamed up just for the purpose of giving him the beatdown he deserves. This is made sweeter by the fact that Iori just stayed at the hotel and let Kyo go to the fight by himself, knowing how badly Kyo would mangle him.
65. WORKING DESIGNS: In a first for this page, instead of naming games directly, I'm going to just name the real problem this time--the company releasing them. Working Designs is, by far and large, the worst domestic video game company in the United States. Their fame for unprofessional translations, piles of worthless packaging and merchandise, and years' worth of delays to achieve this is legendary in the console gaming community. From the accounts I've heard through several friends, the PSX remake of LUNAR: The Silver Star, was delayed over a year and a half not because of a long translation process, but because WD kept designing and re-designing the packaging. I understand the need to release a nicely presented product, and I wish that Capcom USA would put more effort into it, but, there comes a point where it becomes downright ridiculous. They've repeatedly pushed back the release dates of game after game, making constant promises that they simply have no intention of keeping, and basically saying "FU" to their entire customer base by doing so, again and again.
66. FREEZER: This Dragon Ball villain was the single reason for the dullest and most mind-numbingly boring story arc in the entire DB series. While the idea of a "Universal evil land lord" was a cool one in theory, it was implemented badly in practice, and Freezer was the result.
67. TRUNKS: Plainly put, he sucks. He's the wussiest out of the entire DB crowd, and had to "go blonde" to fight freaking TENSHINHAN. (or was it Kulilin? either way, eh.) I want to shoot every last girl that I hear raving on and on about how sexy and hot he is, as well. He has a Butt Cut hairstyle, and while I like pale lavendar hair, there's nothing else redeeming about any version of him. The future version I hate the most, since he whines and complains more than anybody in anime since Iris Chateaubriand. The only version of him I remotely tolerate is the GT version, where he tries really hard to actually be cool. Points for effort, I guess.
68. ERIOL: This Card Captor Sakura character is a creepy little black haired boy wearing glasses and always looking at people with an unnerving "I know something about you that can destroy you," smirky expression. I think the only suitable way to make him suffer is to force him to marry Iris and live with her for the rest of his days.
69. NAKURU: Another Card Captor Sakura villain, this one can make for fun party gags. When showing my CCS artbook to a friend, I opened it to a page with a beautiful pink haired lady wearing a semi-revealing dress and tights, and asked him what he thought. He said she was pretty nice looking.. then I pointed out it wasn't female, and he screamed. I find him/her/it as annoying as Eriol, and thus, I believe he/she/it should be forced to marry Hellmaster and live with him/her/it.
70. CHAOZU: I call him the Charlie Brown of the Dragon Ball world.. or rather, the Evil Insane Clown Charlie Brown of the Dragon Ball world. He once made fun of Kulilin for being bald, then Kulilin pointed out that it's better to have a shaved head than to be like Chaozu and only have one hair, period. It's a sad, sad day for someone who calls themselves a fighter when their only use in battle, self-destructing, becomes useless.
71. RUGAL BERNSTEIN: The main villain of The King Of Fighters 94, 95, and 98. Turning powerful fighters into cast metal statues and keeping a big collection of them (including Guile, amusingly enough) wasn't very original or smart to begin with. Activating a self-destruct mechanism on his private helicopter after being defeated wasn't very original either. SO WHY DID HE KEEP TRYING IT FOR THREE YEARS?! As Wolfgang Krauser, fellow German SNK villain, would say: "Give it up, loser."
72. KASUMI TODOH: The only KOF character, aside from Omega Rugal, that I can safely say is cheaper in battle and harder to defeat than Terry Bogard. As a tribute to how incredibly ridiculously nasty this young Kendo student is, I once saw her, controlled by the computer, grab Iori just as he was unleashing a Max Power Low Life Maiden Masher on her, and throw him to the ground. Then I watched my friend, playing Iori, cry.
73. RELENA WHATEVER-HER-LAST-NAME-IS: This girl is the so-called "Lead female" character in Gundam Wing. She sucks.
74. HEERO YUI: This guy is the main hero of Gundam Wing. He sucks, and needs a personality.
75. DOROTHY CATALONIA: This young girl exists as the living definition of "Manipulative Bitch." I want to slap her SO hard.
76. TEIKOKUKAGEKIDAN - BARA GUMI: One of the four divisions of the Imperial Flower Defense Force in Sakura Wars 2, this is the one I refer to as the Gay Division. With one very large man wearing lipstick and mascara, one medium man wearing floral pattern uniform, with curly sideburns, and one little girly man that strongly resembles Hellmaster, this group shows enemies the true meaning of Fear. When soldiers invaded the Theatre, I truly felt sorry for the one that was trapped in a bear hug from the large man with lipstick and mascara.
77. GOENITZ: This may very well be the only KOF entry I make that really deserves to be up here. He's the main villain of KOF 96, and plays a major part in the series. First, he tried to recruit Leona's father, Gaidel (a descendant of Orochi's blood). When he refused to join, citing how much he enjoyed living peacefully, Goenitz decided to focus on Gaidel's 8 year old daughter, Leona, instead. He somehow caused Leona to suffer the Riot of the Blood, during which she killed her entire family and everyone in the small village she lived in, with her bare hands. He singlehandedly ruined her entire life, and then did so again in 1996, when he caused those memories inside of her to reawaken. He then caused something similiar in Iori, when after his death, Iori suffered the Riot of the Blood and ripped his two teammates, Vice and Mature, to pieces(This may have been his final revenge against Vice and Mature, who betrayed him). He also murdered Chizuru's older sister in cold blood. This is to say nothing of how much of a BITCH he is to fight in the final battle of '96.
78. DOROTHY CATALONIA'S EYEBROWS: They just frighten me. I mean, come on, nobody should have Shrimp Forks for eyebrows.
79. THE CARD CAPTOR SAKURA DUB: PH33R.
80. LUKAV: Look out! Incoming spoilers! I only warn on this one because Front Mission 3 is a game that nobody should have the plot ruined for. (FM3 is the greatest Squaresoft game made since Final Fantasy Tactics; if you haven't played it, play it now) Anyway, Lukav is a major bitch with a superiority complex such as the world has never known before. As part of an expiramental group of genetically engineered humans, Imaginary Numbers, he believes that his group, being smarter and better in every way than humans, should rightfully rule the world as the commanding race. In order to gain access to a top-secret superweapon, he kept continually applied his "information extraction" techniques to poor Emma, the creator, and when the heroes were finally reunited with her, she was reduced to a babbling, hollow shell of her former self.
I think that about wraps it up. If you have any ideas for other people to add, please feel free to send them to my email, lemina_ausa@hotmail.com, but all flames will be laughed at and deleted. Don't even try to defend the people that are up here, because they're all going to stay up here forever. Except Hanagata.
